When a five-year-old is still climbing into your bed every night, it’s natural to wonder how long this can go on. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) doesn’t set a specific age for when toddlers and preschoolers should sleep independently, but it does offer concrete guidance on how to get there and what to watch out for.
When It’s Time and What to Watch For
The AAP notes that from around age 1, families can begin moving a child into a separate bed, but it doesn’t set an official “start by this age” rule for the toddler and preschool years as a whole. What it does say clearly is that if a child is already sharing a bed with parents, it’s best to work toward independent sleep as soon as possible rather than putting it off. Signs a child may be ready include settling into naps alone without trouble, not becoming overly distressed during brief separations, or even asking on their own to try sleeping in their own room.
A Concrete Way to Build the Skill
AAP guidance recommends a consistent bedtime routine — a bath, a story, quiet music — repeated at the same time every night. It suggests gradually reducing your presence in stages: holding your child until drowsy, then placing them in bed while still touching them, then sitting beside the bed, then moving your chair further away over several nights. The key step is leaving the room while your child is drowsy but still awake, since that’s what allows them to learn to fall back asleep on their own if they wake up during the night. Letting a child keep a favorite stuffed animal or blanket in bed can help too. The AAP also suggests avoiding stacking this change on top of others — if a move, a new sibling, or starting daycare is already underway, it may be worth waiting until things settle.
Common Parent Mistakes
The AAP specifically advises against falling asleep in the same bed as your child while working on this transition, since it removes the very practice of falling asleep independently. Changing your response inconsistently — sometimes bringing a crying child back to your bed, sometimes not — can end up teaching a child that persistence eventually works, which tends to stretch out the adjustment period rather than shorten it. Varying the bedtime routine or timing from night to night can also make it harder for a child to predict what comes next, which can add to anxiety around bedtime.
Why Timing Can Vary by Child
Even at the same age, temperament plays a large role in how quickly this transition goes. A child who tends to react strongly to unfamiliar situations may take several weeks longer than one who adapts easily, and a child going through a recent major change, like a new sibling or a move, may do better if the family waits until that settles down before starting. In households with an older sibling, starting by sharing that sibling’s room can sometimes ease the transition more than moving straight to a fully separate room.
When to Consider Talking with a Pediatrician
If a child remains intensely distressed at bedtime after several consistent weeks of practice, if the fear of separation spreads well beyond bedtime into things like daycare drop-off or outings, or if the lack of sleep is seriously disrupting daily life for the child or the rest of the family, it may help to talk with a pediatrician. This information isn’t a diagnostic tool and doesn’t replace advice from a medical professional.