Separation anxiety shows up as crying and clinging when a child is separated from a parent, and it’s known to be especially noticeable in the early weeks of starting daycare or preschool. Based on AAP guidance, here’s what to know about when it peaks and how to handle it.
When Separation Anxiety Shows Up and What to Look For
Separation anxiety appears alongside stranger anxiety around infancy, but it’s also common for it to resurface noticeably around ages 2-5, right when a child starts adjusting to a new daycare or preschool setting. Crying hard or clinging at drop-off, and staying anxious the whole time until pickup, is likely a common reaction at this stage. That said, if this reaction continues for 4 weeks or more and starts affecting daily life — eating, sleeping, playing with other children — it’s worth watching more closely.
Specific Ways to Handle It
AAP recommends practicing brief separations before drop-off day even arrives. For example, step into another room at home, say “I’m right here, I’ll be right back,” and return — repeating this over several days — before gradually working up to leaving your child with a family member or neighbor for a few minutes and then longer stretches. Visiting the daycare or preschool together ahead of the first day, touring the classroom, and meeting the teacher is also recommended. At drop-off, build a consistent goodbye ritual — a wave, a short phrase — that repeats every time, and after that goodbye, a “brisk transition” that leaves quickly without lingering is known to help reduce a child’s anxiety. In the weeks leading up to drop-off, reading a picture book together about a character starting daycare, and talking about how that character feels, can help too.
Common Mistakes Parents Make
Sneaking away while a child is crying and clinging isn’t recommended, since it can build a deeper fear that a parent might disappear the moment they look away. On the other hand, dragging out the goodbye with repeated hugs and reassurances can keep a child’s anxiety going longer than it needs to. Going back to comfort a child every time they keep crying can teach them that crying brings a parent back, which can make separation anxiety worse over time. Staying consistent — like always returning at the exact time you promised — matters a great deal.
What Can Vary From Child to Child
How intense separation anxiety is, and how long it takes to settle, can vary a lot based on a child’s temperament. A child who is sensitive to new environments may take several weeks to adjust, while a more flexible child may stop crying and settle in within days. A child with an older sibling who has already been through drop-off may adjust somewhat faster, having seen the routine before — so it helps to adjust the pace of separation practice based on your own child’s temperament and past experience.
When to Consider Talking with a Pediatrician
If separation anxiety continues for 4 weeks or more, if your child refuses to go and develops physical symptoms like stomachaches or vomiting, or if they can’t calm down for a long time after you leave and it’s affecting play, meals, or sleep, checking in with a pediatric provider may be helpful. This information isn’t a diagnostic tool and doesn’t replace advice from a medical professional.