Watching a child hurl a toy or the remote across the room the moment they’re upset, it’s easy to wonder whether this is just an extension of typical tantrums or something that needs a different response. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) treats throwing things as a form of aggressive behavior distinct from ordinary tantrums, and notes that it’s expected to fade rather than grow as children get older.
Why It Happens
According to the AAP, toddlers and preschoolers haven’t yet developed enough self-control to manage and express big emotions like anger or frustration in words, so they often release those feelings physically instead — hitting, biting, or throwing things. A classic tantrum, with crying and flailing on the floor, is more of an undirected release of emotion, while throwing something is different in that the emotion is aimed at a person or object. That distinction is exactly why the AAP is clear that, unlike ordinary tantrums, behaviors like hitting, biting, and throwing shouldn’t be ignored — they call for immediate response every time.
How It Looks at Different Ages
Typical tantrums are most common between ages 1 and 3 and tend to naturally decrease after that. The AAP advises talking with a child’s healthcare professional if tantrums get worse after age 4, which reflects the expectation that for most children, this kind of behavior is fading by around age 5. That means a child who is still habitually throwing things in anger past age 5 may need more support building emotional regulation skills than peers who have already moved past this stage.
What Helps at Home
The AAP recommends a zero-tolerance response to hitting, kicking, biting, and throwing — stepping in immediately every time. In the moment, that means stopping the behavior right away and offering a concrete alternative, like naming the feeling out loud (“you’re really upset”) so the child has words instead of an object to reach for. Setting aside a specific safe item and space for throwing, like a soft ball in a designated spot, can give a child a safe outlet for that physical urge to release energy. Specifically praising a child when they do express anger with words instead of throwing helps reinforce the behavior you want to see more of.
Common Parent Mistakes
Ignoring minor, attention-seeking whining can be an effective strategy, but applying that same approach to hitting or throwing lets a genuinely unsafe behavior go unaddressed — the two call for different responses. Some parents treat throwing as something a child will simply grow out of and let it pass without much intervention, but AAP guidance is clear that these behaviors need consistent, immediate limits in the moment. On the other end, labeling a child a “problem child” and coming down unusually hard doesn’t help either — emotional regulation is a skill still being learned, not a character flaw.
When to Consider Talking with a Pediatrician
If throwing things or other aggressive behavior doesn’t ease and instead gets more frequent or intense past ages 4-5, if a child repeatedly throws things at people and causes injury, or if a child can’t calm down even with strategies that used to work, it may help to talk with a pediatrician. This information isn’t a diagnostic tool and doesn’t replace advice from a medical professional.