You turn off the light and step out, and within minutes you hear, “I need water,” “I have to pee,” or “just one more book.” These repeated requests are often called “curtain calls,” and they are a fairly common pattern in toddlers and preschoolers. They usually have less to do with refusing sleep than with wanting more time with a parent, feeling uneasy about the day ending, and having learned that requests tend to work.
When It Starts and What Signals to Look For
Bedtime stalling often grows around ages 2-3, when children move into a bed or start practicing falling asleep alone, and when they can put requests into words. The AASM consensus statement, endorsed by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), recommends 11-14 hours of sleep per 24 hours (naps included) for ages 1-2 and 10-13 hours for ages 3-5. If naps run long or bedtime is set too early, a child may simply not be sleepy and may lie in bed bargaining. Adding up your child’s total daily sleep is a useful first check.
A Step-by-Step Approach
First, fix a bedtime routine of about 20-30 minutes. Bath, pajamas, tooth brushing, books, and lights out in the same order help children predict what comes next, which tends to feel reassuring. Second, build water and a toilet trip into the routine and give one calm heads-up: “After this, lights go off and it is sleep time.” Third, set the number of books ahead of time (for example, two) and let your child choose them, which makes the limit easier to accept.
If calling out or leaving the room continues, National Jewish Health describes several options. For a child who only calls out, wait a few moments, then reassure by voice without entering the room, waiting a little longer each time. For a child who gets out of bed, lead them back without talking, repeating as many times as needed. A gate across the doorway can also work for toddlers. A small reward, such as an extra story the next night for staying quietly in bed, may help. As in CDC’s guidance on giving directions, one short, calm sentence said once and followed through consistently is the core of it.
Common Parent Mistakes
The most common pattern is gradual giving in. A cup of water tonight, a cuddle tomorrow, and an hour lying beside the child the next day can teach a child that stalling keeps a parent nearby. On the other hand, getting angry and shutting the door can raise anxiety and lead to more calling out. Changing the rules daily also invites constant testing. Keeping a rule the same for at least several days is generally considered more effective.
What Can Differ from Child to Child
Sensitive temperaments, children who spent long hours apart from parents, and those dealing with a new sibling or a move may stall longer. For these children, 10 minutes of one-on-one talk about the day just before lights out may reduce the calling. Changes often take 1-2 weeks to settle, so it helps not to give up after a few nights.
When to Consider Talking with a Pediatrician
Consider a pediatric visit if stalling comes with loud snoring or pauses in breathing, frequent night terrors or night waking, extreme daytime sleepiness or hyperactivity, or if falling asleep takes more than an hour even after a month or two of a steady routine. This information isn’t a diagnostic tool and doesn’t replace advice from a medical professional.