Finding a scratch on your child’s hand or a bruise on their back at pickup time makes it hard to know whether this is something to let go or something that needs a real response. AAP guidance explains that the most obvious forms of bullying among preschoolers are physical — hitting, kicking, shoving, or tripping — while name-calling, teasing, spreading lies, excluding a child from the group, and taking belongings can appear alongside it.
Signs Worth Watching
If your child suddenly resists going to daycare on certain days or avoids mentioning a specific classmate, or stops talking about playtime they used to enjoy, that pattern is worth paying attention to. Briefly logging the date, location, and nature of any marks on your child’s body helps you tell the difference between an occasional bump and a pattern involving the same child. AAP guidance notes that adults should step in immediately to separate children when a physical fight continues after being told to stop, or when one child appears to be in a rage and is hitting or biting.
A Concrete Approach for Home and Daycare
AAP suggests giving the child who was hit specific words to use, such as, “We don’t hit. Instead, we can ask for the toy back.” Because children this age haven’t fully developed the ability to express anger or frustration in words, rehearsing short phrases like “Stop,” “No,” or “I’m going to tell my teacher” in advance makes them easier to use in the moment. If marks keep appearing, ask your child what happened, but also talk directly with the teacher about how the incident occurred so home and daycare are working from the same picture.
Common Parent Mistakes
Telling a child to “just hit back” doesn’t make either child safer and often leads to more physical conflict rather than less. On the other end, repeatedly dismissing recurring injuries as “just something kids go through” can teach a child that telling you doesn’t change anything. When you do raise the issue with staff, asking specifically when, where, and with whom the incident happened — rather than leading with an accusation — tends to produce a more workable plan.
Why This Can Look Different for Each Child
A child who is naturally less assertive or tends to freeze in unfamiliar situations may not respond in the moment and only bring it up once home. A child with stronger language skills may already be using words to de-escalate similar situations on their own. A child with older siblings who roughhouse at home may also have a different baseline for what physical contact feels normal, which is worth addressing consistently at home first.
When to Consider Talking with a Pediatrician
If a child is repeatedly hit or threatened by the same peer over several weeks, or if it starts disrupting sleep or causing them to refuse daycare altogether, talking with a pediatrician or a child mental health professional can help. If raising the issue with daycare staff hasn’t changed the pattern, or the injuries are concerning, it’s reasonable to formally request that the center address it. This information isn’t a diagnostic tool and doesn’t replace advice from a medical professional.