When a child pulls away from dad, cries when he picks them up, and calls only for “Mommy” in the middle of the night, dad feels hurt and mom feels stuck in the middle. This is more often about how much daily caregiving a child has shared with each parent than about a child disliking dad. Knowing that a father-child bond can grow with time and repeated positive experiences helps keep the pressure down.

When It Starts and What the Signs Mean

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) notes that children with involved fathers tend to develop better language skills and enjoy better mental health than children whose fathers are less involved. A child’s strong preference for one parent often reflects who has handled more of the everyday care, such as feeding, soothing, and putting them to bed. The preference for mom often shows most around the first birthday, when stranger wariness is common, through the toddler years. Signs that a bond with dad is getting started include:

  • The child watches dad’s face or responds briefly to his play when mom is nearby
  • The child laughs at dad’s voice, songs, or a particular game such as peekaboo or being lifted up high
  • Moments when dad can calm the child during mom’s short absences slowly become more frequent

How to Do It: Concrete Steps

ZERO TO THREE explains that fathers tend to play in more stimulating, vigorous, and exploratory ways, which can help children build independence and learn to manage their feelings. The AAP encourages fathers to bond through hands-on daily care: soothing, feeding, diapering, bathing, dressing, playing, and taking part in bedtime. At home, you can put this into practice like so:

  1. Create one “dad-led” routine: choose something like bath time or bedtime stories that dad does at the same time every day, and keep it going for at least 2-3 weeks.
  2. Start with mom nearby: mom stays in the room while dad leads the play, and the distance grows as the child gets comfortable.
  3. Find dad’s signature play: outdoor walks, peekaboo, or “airplane” games that reliably make the child laugh can become a repeated routine.
  4. Don’t hand the child back at the first cry: dad can keep trying to soothe for a few minutes so the child experiences being calmed by him.
  5. Mom steps back: trusting dad to do things his own way, rather than correcting or jumping in, tends to help.

Common Parent Mistakes

If an exhausted parent hands a crying child straight back to mom each time, the child may come to learn that only mom can comfort them. On the other hand, forcing a resistant child into a long cuddle may leave unpleasant memories of dad, so moving at the child’s pace usually works better. Statements like “Go to Daddy, he’ll be sad” put the adult’s feelings on the child’s shoulders. Mom saying “he can’t soothe her” or repeatedly correcting dad’s methods can also push dad to step back, creating a cycle that is hard to break.

What Can Differ by Child

Sensitive children often cling longer to the person they know best, and in families where dad works long hours or travels, a child may be shyer with him simply because there’s less shared time. Around ages 2-3, many children love dad’s rough-and-tumble play yet still want mom at bedtime or when they’re sick. Preferences tend to shift over time, so it’s hard to assume that a child’s current preference will last. In families where dad is the main caregiver, the opposite pattern, with a child rejecting mom, is common too.

When to Consider Talking with a Pediatrician

If a child avoids eye contact or doesn’t respond to anyone outside the family, seems unusually withdrawn in new settings, or shows intense distress for a long time that disrupts daily life when separated from mom, it may help to have a pediatrician look at development and emotional wellbeing together. Marked changes in appetite, sleep, or play alongside the rejection are also reasons to consider a visit. This information isn’t a diagnostic tool and doesn’t replace advice from a medical professional.